User talk:Cvl8/Benchmark I: Introduction
I would recommend doing a little bit more research into why a virus is not considered a living organism, because of the statement "technically, they are not living organisms because they are useless without a cell" is not really true.
The wording in the Significance of the Problem section is a little bit all over the place. I had a bit of trouble following it.
Your papers sounds really cool though!
I also think it's really great how you defined terms to that it becomes easier for the reader to understand.
I would move your second sentence to after your fourth sentence in the first paragraph, as the current order is confusing.
Some significant fact checking is needed; "it takes approximately 10 years to get AIDS from HIV" is false. Slightly over half of patients get it in 10, but varies wildly.
Your background is excellent; nice job relating the equilibria to each other!
- Benchmark submitted on time?
- Rubric submitted on time?
- Significance of problem?
- Your description of the available treatments for HIV reflect those mentioned in your model paper, which was published 18 years ago. What recent advances, if any, have been made in HIV treatment?
- Of course most readers will know this, but you should still state what AIDS stands for.
- You mention HIV-1, a specific strain, without any explanation. You should state what it is.
- Statement of hypothesis?
- I think you could be more specific. What is a "drug holiday", and how might it help establist CTL memory? I'd rather you didn't use a quotation from the paper and instead put this in your own words. What aspects of the immunological response would lead someone to hypothesize that stopping treatment temporarily could be beneficial? You may need to do additional research to find clinical reports that provide evidence that this works. Did that evidence exist before this paper was published in 1999, and were the authors trying to explain it? Or did they predict its existence before clinicians were trying it; if so, is it used now?
- Your extension and the hypothesis it will address are not mentioned in your Introduction. These need to be present for the final paper.
- List of references?
- Properly formatted references?
- Yes. If you want to clean up your wiki code so that citations and prose are not all mixed together, check out this guide. Making this change now could make managing your citations for the entire paper easier down the road.
This sentence seems awkward: "It has been observed that HIV and the immune system has a unique relationship when one applies different treatment regimes." Do you mean HIV responds to different treatment regimes in surprising ways? What does "unique relationship" mean?
In "Background and Hypothesis", your third sentence is "The model describes that it can go to one of two equilibria," and this is followed by details about the model. However, before this point you have not introduced the model. You should introduce it with a sentence like "So-and-so devised a model to better understand such-and-such aspect of HIV infections."
What is CTL memory response? How does it work?
On the whole, this is a good Introduction. For the final paper, I recommend making the changes outlined here.