User talk:Cxc646/Benchmark I: Introduction

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Student Comments

You should definitely take a look at the example introductions on the rubric page for the benchmark. You need two headers, one describing the significance of the problem, and the other describing the background and hypothesis. You need more description in these sections and you need to make it a little bit more simple. You jump right in so it can be a little hard to follow. You need to revise your hypothesis as well. Your citations seem pretty good on the whole though. --Chiraag Lathia (talk) 14:57, 30 March 2017 (EDT)

I think the beginning could use more background on why the model is relevant, for example the consumption of wine in certain countries etc, the flow of ideas is difficult to understand, and I feel each idea could be developed and elaborated more. There are some phrasing errors but I feel that can be corrected by visiting the writing center for example. Mainly, elaborate on each subject more and I think you will be good to go. --Janet Wang (talk) 22:32, 1 April 2017 (EDT)

Instructor Comments

  • Benchmark submitted on time?
    • Yes
  • Rubric submitted on time?
    • Yes
  • Significance of problem?
    • Some attempt to answer this question, but needs to be more detailed and clear.
  • Statement of hypothesis?
    • Not clear that this is a real hypothesis, since in the absence of the reverse reaction, concentrations will always be higher. Had you explained the different compartments and the importance of the reaction for concentrations in those compartments, you might have stated a testable hypothesis.
  • List of references?
    • Yes
  • Properly formatted references?
    • Yes, though multiple citations are missing years.

On the whole, this is a problematic first draft.

First, you need to work on improving your prose. We think this can be accomplished by visiting the Writing Resource Center; we strongly encourage you to do this as soon as possible.

Second, much of the text echoes the initial paragraph of your paper, using almost identical wording, phrases, and citations. You should review this page. We strongly encourage you to submit a revised version of the Introduction as soon as possible.

Hillel Chiel (talk) 16:06, 28 March 2017 (EDT)